Friendship Plus, how's that going?

Ef
31

I hear lately in my environment that many celebrate the F + principle / like / use ect.

I myself have never had such a thing and on questions I always get only the same answers; give it a try and you'll see it…

Although I know roughly what about the fact that you do not have a strong bond, that you are just friends with sex and that you have to be feeling cold rather cool (I think so).

But that just shows me that you have no emotional maturity to be able to form a bond

Or am I wrong? Please clear me up!

PS: pure curiosity!

Sa

Although I know roughly what about the fact that you do not have a strong bond, that you are just friends with sex and that you have to be feeling cold rather cool (I think so).

That's partly true, you do not have to be cold, from a F + can also create a relationship (was already the case with me)

F + is handy in the case that you can have sex with someone you trust (at best, of course) without being tied to any relationship.
Sometimes you just can't tie yourself or just do not want it, but you do not want to give up some of the values that exist in a relationship.

Ef

The train of thought I can't understand, frankly. Either completely or not at all, to renounce certain things from a relationship is but to be single, or not?

Sa

For you it is like this and also your way of thinking, I can understand, I could also earlier without any feelings of love have no sex.

Has changed over time. Of course, with someone you love, sex is much more intense, but sometimes the unbound is great as well.

Ef

Hmm. Somehow understandable, being unbound has its advantages, but during sex, I just can't imagine that. If I only wanted to have sex with a woman, it was never… Maybe the problem is elsewhere, but now. F + is then again on another level of emotionality, can that be vllt? So feelings without which they are equal feelings of a relationship? Do you know what i mean? Love without loving?!

ca

So how do I handle that?

I have a few women in life with whom I understand myself very well. We write a lot, laugh a lot, do things. Show each other new things.

But it's not enough for a relationship. Because just the last spark is missing or external circumstances do not fit. As for example older and that they have several children.

We also have sex. But it's not just about it. You like spending time together. Even if it does not come to sex. You also like to cuddle together. Kisses and shares caresses. But you are not stuck together.

Of course, there's a different definition for everyone

ca

That's how it looks

Sa

That can also be part of an F +, yes. But only with pure sympathy. I have already experienced both.

Ef

The last spark is missing, I know.

So I could still understand sex, but I cuddle and / or kiss kiss… Tenderness, that would not be in question for me, unless it runs on something solid out. Maybe I'm then too much the relationship type.

Ef

I could not. Either I have feelings or I have none, there's no schism with me, then completely purely friendly.

I recently told one of my closest friends that I did not want to kiss her. Hugs okay, but nothing more.

But well, everyone is knitted differently.

Ef

I'm 27 and I love sex too, but I do not want to have sex with strangers or with girlfriends. The idea once lost, everyone has fantasies.

ca

I think that's what you're talking about. Do you know how complex emotions can be. Black and white is only possible in the imagination.

Love and affection. And also erotic and her attraction knows sooo many facets and nuances.

When you are open to everything, you first experience the diversity of life

Ef

I can't even imagine it, friendship is just too important to me to risk sex with sex it breaks down.

I've already thought about trying it out, but my head, heart and also the junior says no

ca

Haha yes you have to open. But you I can understand you as I said not so long ago, I thought the same way.

Break down friendship. Yes, that does not work for existing friendships because I agree with you. It has to be a new relationship where you may have developed it right in the beginning. So it's just a new kind of friendship

El

But that just shows me that you have no emotional maturity to be able to form a bond

No, I think the opposite is the case if you really look closely as two people get closer and in the end a relationship… Because this is like a mutual approach and it is often the case that one more doubts than the other… That What I find absurd, is the names or the titles you give a confession. Because relationships are dynamic and it's not a static thing…

It can be said that one has already become a prescriptive, as earlier… Because at that time marriages / partnerships were concluded from a completely different motivation. Today, it's not really about permanent security anymore, it's just about your disciples, they want inspiration, further development, questioning… Many question things more than before. Want to have a happy, constructive relationship… And no traditional relationship where both treat each other in the end disrespectful. If you can see how the rates are…

We always believe that a person can control emotions and 100% are sure that he does not want something serious with this person! A friendship Plus that does not evolve is just a sign that one does not really feel close to the other, too often available, has low self-esteem, and much more, and in truth, it's not an equine friendship, but one Oppotunistische friendship… A TRUE friendship, because you share the life of the other and you pay attention to the well-being of the other. A partnership is a friendship at eye-listening and share the bed with each other… And the "plus" refers to many things and not just to sex…

When people start to think black and white… And also IMMEDIATELY without a healthy skepticism to enter into a serious relationship, they often notice that the other one starts to allow things that they do not like. Because depending on the character, it can happen that one sees the other as a matter of course and does not make any effort for the other in the sense of "how are already together, so why make nice" A partnership for me means that I'm with him can build a future (family reasons etc pp). And before I can be sure, I need to know if it is possible to trust the other and also to see if he qualifies as a potential father and if we work well as a team.

You really have to know what you want! Of course it does not work on Sundays.

It is better in my opinion if you first get to know the other for a while Locker and not pay attention to how to name the whole confession. Such a kind of probationary period… Because I feel that you can only name a person as Best Friend, if you have met for 1 year and see if you are accepted as you are and before I have this feeling, then I will not Make bigger investments for him…

Ef

Yes, okay, then this can be a problem, because I do not build a friendship that develops in such a direction or I do not even know how I would have to start something like that.

I have to say so, I would not be completely averse, but if that was what I do not know.

ca

How to taste so nice is about studying

In the end you just have to have the experience to really say something. In the end, maybe also fallen tuned

Ef

You're probably right. Maybe I'm too stuck, can be good. Would be very atypical for me if I would have liked, but well, people change their views and attitudes ^ - ^

El

So most people call F + an opportunistic relationship meaning "you give me sex, then we can continue the friendship… If not ciao". But that's not a real friendship. Because I call TRUE friendship totally different. With a close friendship I know the other well and can also talk about serious things. I can organize things with him and you really care about the other one. I can be the way I'm… In an F + as most people see it, they do not want to have serious conversations or overly caring about each other's well-being. That's no friendship… For me anyway…

A partnership is a best friendship where you can be as you are. I can steal with the other horses and organize with him. I think many overvalued sex. If I have sex, why would that destroy the friendship? Because the friendship is just the foundation of what the partnership holds… Except it is only about a self. If I start to think only about my needs, then this is not a friendship… Then this is opportunism / even abuse… But also many marriages / partnerships against so noncommittal and selfish with each other and it is about trading… It's more about how one Treated the other and not how to describe the whole thing…

The key message is: You should take time to get to know each other and know what you want. You need to learn patience to practice. Because some need more time to fall in love with each other… So it's not always the case that both want the same amount of each other… You enter into a sexual acquaintance with no obligations and over time, you may have something immature arise. Nobody can know that… You can't persuade, persuade, force… Things just happen…

If a man knows me for 5 months and wants to be with me already and does NOT behave like that… (Yes, some people really do) … Or if his actions and his words were the same and many eights (especially women) on the words and not on the deeds… I meant the probationary period… That you analyze and scrutinize the whole and do not rush into getting involved with someone…

Ef

Ah, now I too understand it.

I agree with the first section, with section two I do not agree completely. Now, when I sleep with a friend, the whole thing changes because the friendship, the base, is compromised. I could never handle her the way he did before, because physical distance no longer exists. For me physical contact is something you have to earn, so through the trial period as you say. Otherwise, it is not "satisfactory" for me, no success. You want to earn a partner and not get paid.

That's how I see it. A woman who just gives herself to me just because of sex is not "valuable" enough for me to sleep with me, in stark terms and I speak from experience, have received enough such offers and rejected all. Looks of course in a relationship different, because there it is a game.

El

I can agree with you that with many men the woman no longer sees herself as a potential partner when she becomes intimate with him immediately. But that does not always have to be… But I think it's important that you create the right conditions, if you want something serious as a woman. If you want to get to know the other and the man from the beginning to give the feeling that it's just the sex goes…

Yes, of course something changes! Certainly! When I sleep with someone. But the question is, how do you handle it? This has a lot to do with emotional stability and self-confidence. I can also demand physical distance even if I slept with him or delimit me. That's what you do in a partnership. One does not stick together xD and one does not always think about the other permanently… It is true that many are nervous, have fear of loss and catch demand, complain, etc… Of course, it is more sensitive and of course many thoughts! Because of the hormones. You are in a state of stress. It requires tons of basic trust / confidence, patience and confidence. And also self-control…

You have to have some strength when I go to bed with a special friend. Because I go to bed with him, because he is something special for me, because I find him attractive and find him inspiring. Not because I want sex and not because I expect something from him… Natural I wish that from it something serious but as I said… Convince, persuasion brings nothing… I can only trust and make sure that he feels well with me and feels more and more connected with me and learns to respect me… Unfortunately there's no guarantee…

Especially as a woman you are more sensitive and I feel very exactly if a man is willing to start something serious with me. I do not have to ask myself this question if he wants something immature Will, I just feel it… But unfortunately many have forgotten and are uncertain and want clarity and know what the other's intentions are…

Ef

Then I must have met the wrong women, because all wanted only one thing… I'm probably too stuck because of that…

A very good friend of mine already had the idea for F +, we both find ourselves appealing, but still do not go to bed, because just our friendship can break, no matter how strong our emotional side would be. Physical intimacy is simply a distraction factor in a friendship, a friendship needs a distance and that is the physical, I think. Well, we know each other for years and know almost everything from each other. If it were with a stranger person, that would probably work, but there must not exist any existing friendship beforehand.

Like you, I feel that a woman is serious or not. So far, every woman has come too close to me at the second meeting, often at the first. Only recently I have met the first for months that does not address me, neither literally, in writing nor physically. The others have always shown clear signals… Not only men have forgotten how to show whether they are serious, there are unfortunately also women…

El

But do not go to bed anyway, because our friendship can break, no matter how strong our emotional side is

That's a matter of faith. I think and say that the friendship will be even more beautiful… And if it does not fit, you can be Locker again without sex Befreundet… This is the same as with certain people who have a good relationship with the Ex. That is very rare. Because many have disrespected… Those who are afraid of separation, of course, can't believe that you can be friends with a man with whom you had something…

I see separation as something salutary. Because by separation one grows… Of course it hurts but in the end it can help. This is an attitude towards life… Who can't restrain himself when one separates and rages out his rage thoughtlessly, of course regrets much. This is an art of separating oneself dignified! You have to learn to use your emotions consciously… You can learn that. This is personality development.

It is also said: "Love is a verb. Love is what you make of it." And love does not always have to do with partnership… Because love is much bigger. Love is another word for respect and how we treat others and how we deal with ourselves…

Ef

I do not share this view. But also just because I can't or do not want to connect a friendship and sex. Either friendship without a physical act or a pure F +, which is not a real friendship for me. A friendship has a much higher priority than a physical relationship, so either completely or not at all, a middle thing is an absurdity for me.

Apart from a breakup, it can be the best in the end, though the way can be hard and long to see the positive. It is not always easy to separate peacefully, because someone always hurts, everyone can handle it differently.

I love my best friend, but I would never want to go to bed with her even if she contacted me. That would only show me that she would risk the friendship for sex, the same if I approached her.

Whether it's my emotional weakness, my fixed thinking or just something else, but I would always prefer a friendship that does not stop any physical act, who can do that, but that's completely against my principles.

There are people who are not suitable for such relationships, that is fact and this has nothing to do with the emotional weakness, but simply that for some it is not an option to only have a physical relationship, no matter how many liberties you have there like.

I think we will not really agree on that

El

This is anything but a middle thing but that is MUCH MORE. I do not have to pretend. That's what I mean by friendship. I can be like I'm nothing else that means that means friendship for me. It is much more pleasant when I have sex with someone with whom I can be as I'm and at the same time I find great. Most partnerships separating friendship from sex, that's nothing new to me. Going to their buddy but in their marriage / partnership they feel controlled and not accepted.

I'm not talking about abuse here! Of course if you have sex with someone just because you feel like it. That's fatal and I'm not talking about that. This always ends in chaos and clear, the friendship really breaks down, because you only slept with her, because you feel like / based on ego and NOT because you really care about her! But if you are interested in her and in love with her and are afraid to do something with her because you think it will end badly, you only miss one chance. That's all… Or she's not on you, that can be too.

You do not have to agree… You live your life the way you think it is…

Ef

The first section does not make sense to me.
I understand it this way, that you can only be in a F + relationship as you really are and not with your permanent partner or with your friends.
I'm like I'm, no matter who, I do not make any difference, I do not need to sleep with someone to be like I'm, that makes no sense in my eyes…

Anyway, I live my life as I see fit xD

El

As I have said, it is not about how to name the acquaintance but how to treat each other… One feels if the other uses us only and only thinks of himself and only wants one thing or not. This is the mind that has to put everything in a drawer and want to name the whole… Our minds can say or promise many, but our feelings can change. There's no security.

Until one can be accepted as one is unfortunately a process… One gets to know each other and then later one recognizes whether it is even possible to accept the weaknesses of the other…

You do not have to have sex to lead a partnership. You just have to know what kind of person could fit. For some sex is more important than the other…

El

You create your own kind of partnership! I do not want to marry a man who does not love me as I'm! That would be terrible for me xD

El

It all depends on what you want… If you just want sex then you do not care if the other one treats you exclusivly. It's all about the one thing… You do not care if the other person accepts you as much as you are with all weaken your quirks, mistakes…

You have to know yourself how you want to be treated… Many define F + completely different. I do not necessarily define it as a pure sex relationship… It can change. Every relationship (not just partnership) is dynamic. It's MORE about the handling. How to treat each other…

Because as I said before in a marriage / partnership / serious relationship, partners can keep noncommittal, selfish and headstrong. Since it can just go to sex ONE… Etc. That's why it's absurd to name it all! It is more about the handling…

And most partnerships are also not really happy and there's also much misrepresented and do not show their true me. In a sexual relationship, it does not matter how you pretend to be, even if it stays in a sexual relationship, but if you want to build a future with someone, then you have to be honest with yourself and be able to open yourself!

Ef

We agree on that.
And no, I do not want a pure sex relationship, so that ended my solid relationship and it's the last thing I want / need.

Thanks for the very interesting discussion ^ - ^

El

Wow! That was exhausting xD… Because my German is not the best. Because I'm half Italian! :-P! Jo! I'm glad that I could help you!

Ef

Not the best? You're crazy, your German is great = D
So do not hide ^^
Yes, you helped me well, made me think.
I know what I do not want, but what I want… That's somewhere else.