How do you see it?

I would like to hear your experience / opinion. I'm a mother of two children. Living apart from the father of the children. The reason for the end of the relationship was, having lived apart, allegedly too little respect from me. Therefore I do not get love back. I household, children at the age of 5 and 1 years. He work until 3 p.m. He is depressed, shown no interest. After work, the household should be ready and food on the table (what he only likes), otherwise he was in a bad mood. After dinner, on Playstation or the rest of the day on the couch with cell phone in hand. Housekeeping, children, etc., are on my own. In the evenings totally broken and often in the children's bed or asleep alone, 9-10pm. My children haven't slept through the night yet. He was offended. Sexual intercourse 1-2 a week. A must in front of the children every day. If I complained about his behavior, I was lazy and not a sensible mother, dirty and not a real woman, he didn't like my parents, his parents and he the best. We didn't have any friends. In my opinion, selfishness, jealousy, arrogance. Separation of these reasons. I didn't feel loved 1.5 years apart. In between contact and stupid part of me fell for him again. Hope that he will change. Had a relationship for a few weeks, then quarreling from him. Hidden from my children as much as possible so that they are not disappointed. Still, he was there every day. He wanted more and more. I was afraid of falling into the old chema and was rather reluctant. Quarrel because he doesn't accept it, breaking off contact. Regular contact with the children, picked up by his mother. Changed his number. In an emergency, I and the children can only be reached through his mother. This turned into an on-off relationship. As always, the same thing, only from time to time worse, to genuinely asocial. I felt something for him, even though I knew it was wrong myself. Quarrel sex, finish off him and his mother. I'm a bad mother, my household is dirty, my children dirty clothes and supposedly no food for the children. My family and friends were insulted for no reason and I was beaten up because I didn't get in touch with him again after 1 week and hide that from the children that we love each other again. In the end, I'm sloppy because I had sex with him without really being together, I don't love him, otherwise I would want to spend 24 hours with him immediately and my family, my friends and I the last and much more. Bad mom household dirty sloppy and and… What I have to mention. We were together for 8 years, had no other partner, and neither could I. He jealous of everyone. Arrogant, fake, insidious and a narcissist.

Hopefully you left him, oh god what a father and husband! If he really meant it, he would have looked for family therapy. My respect to you!

So I say so. It just keeps going on. He doesn't need therapy. Couples therapy only if I get together with him right away.

He has no interest in changing. So he won't change. You are waiting for something that will never happen. In principle, you have a choice. It continues as it always has been for the next few years to decades. Or you end this for good.

And. Your partner treats you badly and it is unimaginable to find someone else? Not somewhere wanting to find out what a relationship feels like where one is respected and treated well?

What is your question now And why do your sentences often have no verbs? It just went stupid. You don't go together. Limit contact to what is necessary for the children and let go of the relationship once and for all. Gains a little distance.

He's also often and a lot in such forums, which is why I'm hiding something with it. Sry

There were days when we got along well every day and I slept with the children (they do that regularly anyway) but I kept it a secret and went to sleep in the mornings so that the two of them would not be disappointed if it didn't work again. Where I started from. Is it wrong that I'm playing it safe? His opinion is always the opposite of mine and everyone just thinks like him. Aggression and power play

He is extremely jealous and, in his opinion, is always disadvantaged by me. Although I really did everything I can for him in the relationship. Always feels neglected, etc. He has two bereavements and immediately thought of me, for example. In the middle of the night, storm bell ringing. I thought he would like to do the theater. Shortly afterwards I got a message that his papa and his sister passed away. But was scared because he said you didn't let me in, now I should ring my car, otherwise he'll kill me, etc. Nevertheless, I was there for him and his mom the next day. Today I was repeatedly accused of being the only one who wasn't there for him. Is he right or am I wrong about everything?

Yes, unfortunately, what I wanted or didn't want was always wrong and his right. Just like then his mother was brought on board and rushed against me, lied around, spent hours finishing up and discussing, I'm the bad one and the devil, he always gets right from his family supposedly and is treated like a king. His mother made the same allegations as he against me. I would be jealous of my children would be jealous because they get everything from them and not me as a child. What is wrong. I was brought up very well and in my opinion I was fine. The children would rather go there than to me etc… I think they both have real problems

Sounds like it is time to reduce the contact to what is necessary because of the children.

Yes that's as good as. He blocked me, created a new number, picked up children from his mother, but taunts from him and his mother that his mother should then pass them on to me. I just find it sad that he is such a person and makes me so bad. I'm a person who is really nice, nice and helpful to everyone. I can't do it so heartlessly. And that is exactly what I'm accused of, that I'm heartless and and… And my children are everything to me. They are properly dressed every day, fresh, healthy food every day, everyone actually praises my children and my upbringing. Well and I have to justify myself all the time, because I think everyone believes him and not me. Well, I just think that even as a father you should exchange the number with your mother so that you can be contacted in an emergency. Just like the children just want to tell something great or simply to ask how they are doing. You can get his answer from my mother. But I don't want to and if I don't say anything about her, she plays offended and I'm heartless and if you did have contact, because mother was sick, for example. If you had direct contact for a few days, I wrote dearly, you were impressed by him, gave in again and this little relationship was practically entered into, with the hope that he would remain dear, but I still kept a little distance as I already wrote, because fear of drama again. If everything goes well it is also very nice, until he doesn't get his will any more, he goes crazy again. Well, no idea what that should be, anything else… But I already know that he seems to be as good as alone with his opinions it says and I'm right about so many…

Family therapy is more ideal! You have children after all.

Justification is no use. After all, it's all about making yourself bad, it doesn't necessarily matter what is right anyway. It can be hard to let go of accusations, but once you've learned that, it makes things a lot easier.

If he doesn't want to hear anything, don't say anything. I would not take part in the number with "let me send it to my mother". This is kindergarten.

He doesn't become a nice person just because he behaves nicely for a few days. He will always be the same. I wouldn't get involved with that. It ends exactly like it did before.

Well, that's the way it is, unfortunately.

I'm happy ☺️