Parents forbid me from meeting someone on the Internet?

I would like to meet a boy (17). I'm a girl and 14 years old.

Some time ago I met someone secretly (3 times) and now we're together. My parents had found out… And I was deprived of all my freedom… I was only allowed to tutor, exercise and go to school alone otherwise I always had to get out with my parents… I only had Nintendo consoles and I was only allowed to make calls when my parents were with me. All my contacts that my parents did not know and all my acc on social networks (my email acc too) were deleted… I don't want to experience that again… (as soon as the corona time is over, it will probably work again)

My boyfriend was with me now and my parents accepted him.

They didn't want me to meet him alone because it could have been dangerous, but I just wanted to meet him. At that time my parents made me the offer that he would come here. So that my parents and I meet him for the first time but that would be too weird for me… I can understand them but that does not help me…

And the boy I want to meet now too… How could I persuade my parents to meet him like this… Or do I have to wait for a storm free or something… I don't want to do it again secretly because I know that it will go wrong again.

(The question is always related so don't write something like "don't meet him at the moment")

When I was 14 I also wanted to meet my friend (18). We hadn't met yet, but we were already together. My mother only let me to him after he was with me for about 1 week and she was able to assess him well.

Better listen to your parents, they don't prevent a relationship. I've been with him for over a year now and everything is fine.

You should be grateful for such great parents.

You are doing exactly the right thing. Take care of yourself.

It could really be that he is not what he claims to be.

Of course, everything can be right. But maybe try a compromise.

Eg that you meet in half of your two places of residence, but WITH your parents or at least one parent.

In a city center, in a café or something.

As soon as they have checked that he is at least the same age, you can sit down with him at a table and your parents will be out of earshot.

So you have a little time for yourself but your parents are still keeping an eye on it.

I agree with you!

My parents found out… And robbed me of all freedom…

So, you got the receipt for doing something secretly that you knew your parents didn't want. Use the time you sit idly at home to think about whether you would rather not spend some time convincing next time.

At that time my parents made me the offer that he would come here.

So you can see that your parents don't have a problem with having a boyfriend. The only thing they wanted was for you not to put yourself in a situation where you were completely exposed to a stranger.

So that my parents and I meet him for the first time but that would be too weird for me…

Would you have made a better proposal that fulfills both of your wishes? Anyone can complain "I don't want that". You don't need a brain for that.

how could I persuade my parents to meet him like this…

You can suggest that you stay in a public place.
You can suggest that someone else is with you whom your parents trust (good friend, someone from your family)
You can suggest that you meet in a public place and that a parent is in sight but leaves you alone (e.g. You meet in the café and your mother takes a walk in the park next door)
You can suggest that he come to your home, but you have a certain place (e.g. The terrace) for you and your parents don't bother you

In any case, remind your parents that you have reliably followed these agreements so far and that they have no reason to believe that you are doing anything else.

Oh, um.

I know that my parents are doing the right thing. A video chat is difficult to fake, right?

I was already aware of all this, but I still see it differently with the punishments! And you can't change my mind about that either, and we haven't found a compromise…

They have no problems with my boyfriend anymore (he has also stayed with me many times) I listen to them but I would also like to

It doesn't matter if you think the punishments are justified. Your parents can educate you for four years as you see fit. You are sitting on the longer lever. That doesn't change if you pound the floor and scream loudly that you think it's stupid.

There can only be a compromise if both sides are ready to approach each other. You don't seem to have this willingness… Then why should your parents make any effort to accommodate you?

It is you who want something! Your parents have what they want. She doesn't mind if it stays the same for the next 2-3 years.

Then what exactly should the problem be? Can't you see him?

First of all, you should stay at home at the moment, I hope you have heard about this pandemic and take it seriously, even if you want to date.

Should it be looser in 1-2 months: a compromise has to be found. Between being autonomous and being able to data vs. Your parents and your security. At 14, it's totally inappropriate to go on a date with strangers. Do it at 16, you won't run away

But I can go to the youth welfare office… You can't do everything with me!

I try to meet them but what should you do and I know what a compromise is, you don't need to explain that…

I have options that everything is over anyway… It is deadly for me to live like this… I have psychological damage that is mainly reduced by being online… And my parents are to blame for the damage.

I have nothing against it tomorrow to live then I would not have to endure much more… I just do not because I do not want to hurt anyone…

But I can go to the youth welfare office… You can't do everything with me!

As long as they don't explicitly harm you or violate any law, they can educate you as you see fit. Unfortunately, I know what I'm talking about, my best friend at school had a grille in front of her window and a watchdog at school.

I have options that it's all over anyway…

And do you see your boyfriend like that?

it is deadly for me to live like this… I have psychological damage which is mainly reduced by being online… And my parents are to blame for the damage.

If this is determined by a doctor, you can of course take appropriate action against your parents.

Otherwise, as a reason-gifted person one is inclined to see here simply a defiant statement "you are all mean".

I have nothing against it tomorrow to live then I would not have to endure much more…

In your eyes, is running away an adequate solution to problems?

Your parents are already doing the right thing.

You should only meet this boy when your parents are around. This is very dangerous! You're 14, he's supposed to be 17 … Who knows if he's really 17? It can also be an older man who… Well, you can imagine the rest.

If I were your father, I would act EXACTLY! Be thankful that you have such caring parents. I mean… They allow you to meet him, just don't be alone. And that's right.

I've been torturing myself with a lot of people for a long time. My psyche is in the bucket anyway so what should change when I'm gone?

And no my friend I see as the most valuable thing in my life without him my life would have been wiped out a long time ago

I think I can also video chat so easily?

But you can actually. You could just push another person in front of the camera, but the guy can still be completely different.

Something like that is really experienced. A girl wanted to find a new friend and wrote with "her". They also chatted video. But it turned out that the chat came from an older man and he only dragged the girl in front of the cell phone for the video call. At the meeting, however, she did not come, but HE!

So… A video chat is far from being definitive proof that this is the person you think you are…

Yes, I just answered the question. See under GirlOnEarth's answer.

My psyche is in the bucket anyway so what should change when i'm gone?

Counter question: Why don't you change something during your lifetime? For example, by learning to have a serious discussion and compromise? A compromise would also mean that you get your parents away from their current attitudes.

If you take your own life, you will never know if they would have met you if you had spoken to them.

And no my friend I see as the most valuable thing in my life without him my life would have been wiped out a long time ago

By the way, it's hard to love someone who doesn't want to live anymore. That breaks two people.

It is up to you what you see as the reason.

Don't say what you think is stupid. But show a way how to deal with the problem.

But if you keep talking on the phone you can hear the voice and all that and that could be too much for the dude

I'm trying to find one… Still.

And changing my life is harder than you think… Which is why it would be much easier to end everything… It's always easier but I have to think and say that.

🤷🏻♂️

You shouldn't paint everything black. That was just a hint from us that there are people who really make the effort to fake everything. You can also fake phone calls, or simply change your voice or put someone else down for the phone call. You can't really hear on the phone that he's really 17. Everything can be right, but that's why it's better to be safe and talk about everything with your parents. They will notice if something is wrong.

All the best to you and be careful!

Yes, of course it has to do with the question.

Your past, your broken psyche and your complete denial of reality are the reason why you can't be helped on this question either.

And since you don't want to work on yourself, it's also clear that you can't be helped. I don't understand why you ask for help at all, but well.

Topic done.

I ask for help because many can help on this but apparently you can't!