My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now and have a 7 week old son. He is really nice to him and treats us great.
BUT… He gets up tomorrow and sits in front of the ps4 and usually doesn't stop until the next day. He goes through the nights and sleeps all day. When the little one cries or wakes up at night, I take care of him. Wrap him or give him the bottle.
I also have to do it during the day, because he thought he would rather be awake at night and sleep in the daytime… And if I have to go through a night because the little one is not doing well and he is not sleeping properly, and then the next evening I want to sleep more or at all because I'm tired to death. The next morning he wakes me up at 5 a.m. Because he is hungry instead of making him a bottle himself and letting me sleep comes that I had a root canal yesterday and still have animal pain…
I just don't know what to do next, am I totally wrong? Is he right, he would take care of the little one much more than me, I'm not supposed to have that way…
Doesn't your friend have to go to work? Anyway, that's another question.
The problem is obviously that your friend is addicted, and this addiction needs to be treated in the same way as alcohol addiction. The most important thing: He must see it himself and recognize that gambling addiction has already taken control of his life.
And that affects not only your little one, but also living together with you, right?
Discuss what would happen if you simply threw the PS2 and controller away. Would your friend really lose quality of life, or would you win all three quality of life?
Otherwise he seems to be a good partner.
If he can't get rid of his addiction, you have to think about whether you should take the consequences! Your life shouldn't be determined by your friend's night-long game.
I do not know to what extent various answers should be helpful here in your situation. I'm not a couple counselor or psychologist, so I probably can't give you the best help. But answers like: "Get rid of the guy", "Very pathetic" or "Probably addicted to games" do not help you.
I know from my job and personal experience that communication is very important.
In this case, a fair distribution of tasks. You run a household together. Literally: together. Everyone has their tasks. You are not responsible for 24 hours looking after the little one. It is also up to you to switch off for 5 hours and watch a movie, or play something.
Your friend's reaction may also be a backlash from the fact that he may be a little overwhelmed and simply takes time to switch off. I know that with me, too, after a working day has been too stressful, just sitting at the PC until late at night and switching off.
Therefore, I would advise you to speak directly to him and also to make it clear that both parties take care of the little one and possibly do something together. The exit restrictions in Germany have not improved the "home situation" much. At first you were not allowed to go out and it was "rather gamble than go for a walk" in most municipalities.
Don't be pejorative or energetic. Talk to him normally. Also tell him that you are a little overwhelmed and it would be fair if you split up the work in the house a bit. But don't say that you think he gambles too much - I know that myself - men don't like to hear that, even if that's true.
I don't know if your friend is working or is looking for a job, but he is no longer in the Hotel Mami so he has to do something in the house. It is not natural that you cook, do the laundry and still have to take care of the little one. However, it is the art of articulation in order not to let dialogues flow away in a dispute. So go inside again, think about what statements your friend might be upset with and try to express yourself as fairly as possible. Game addiction back and forth, I think every problem can be solved by a change in everyday life. You need help and it's his job to help you.
You just shouldn't expect it to stop now and stand by you permanently. Such a change in everyday life can also be done step by step.
No, you are not wrong.
Nobody says that he is no longer allowed to play, but that's extreme.
You are both parents and not just you. You too have needs, need at least a little bit of time for yourself and above all sleep.
Did you ever talk to him? He doesn't seem to be fully aware that a child needs attention for 24 hours (especially at that age). It's not an object that you can get out of when you feel like it.
You should really speak a serious word to him, even if it takes extra strength right now.
If he doesn't work, he can at least do a little bit for his small family. Even if it may seem too much to ask.
If you do not talk to him and make it clear that you are serious, he will hardly change anything.
He is of the opinion that if I lie on the couch with the little one and watch TV, that would be enough for me to relax, but what he does not see is that when the little one needs me I'm there for him. What I don't like doing a question super, it's my child after all. What I love about everything. But he sees no difference when he gambles or when I watch small television or something…
he is in the federal government, but because of the contact block he has to stay at home, otherwise he is in the barracks during the week and only at weekends…
If he really gambles as much as you say… Then he is almost certain to have an addiction problem.
It is therefore difficult to reach him. In addition, he obviously does not work either and that would be another point that should give you something to think about. Since you are now responsible for a child.
If he were to work, he would clearly not have so much time to support you with childcare, but it would probably not bother you as much.
But it is clearly annoying if everything stays with you. Try to talk to him in general, how he imagines it or how you can change it together.
You are the role model for your child, so you should already go behind the books.
He goes to work, but is not allowed to go to the barracks because of the contact block. Otherwise he is not at home during the week, and yes you are right. If he goes to work and comes home at the weekend, I wouldn't mind as much as now.
He is really nice to him and treats us great.
Sorry, but what you describe about his behavior afterwards is the complete opposite of "treat well".
It's a shame that this time is so bad in your child's life… It doesn't matter. This time in which there are new development steps to be discovered in the baby never comes again.
I don't have any good tips for you. Your frustration limit seems to be very high. Talk to him. Establish rules that apply to the time you live together. He is not here in the barracks, where everything besides his professional duties is taken from him.
But that's worth a lot. Because then he can't gamble that much and he can take it.
So it would be an idea to work out a daily rhythm for you during the contact block.
So get up, have breakfast together, do the housekeeping, go for a walk at lunchtime or maybe repaint the walls, go shopping together.
And only to start playing in the evening, with the limit that you can get out of bed in the morning.
I can only imagine that once he starts playing, he just can't stop wanting a level or whatever.
But as long as it has not started, it can be done without it. So maybe there would be a starting point to find a compromise on how you all come up with the bill.
