I'm a married woman and new here. I'm completely desperate, that's why I signed up here. My son (11) needed a relatively long time to find friends after moving to his new school. Yesterday, he told me joyfully that he had found a friend at school and he would like to meet with him tomorrow, at our home. So far so good. When he arrived the next day and introduced him to me, they went into my son's room and started playing. The door was not closed and I heard the two in passing. I did not listen, but got a lot because my son's boyfriend was screaming a lot (they both played Fortnite on Playstation). It fell to terms like "honor taken", "Hops taken" etc., which I have never heard, all on the part of the new friend. But when he loudly called "foreskin, taken life" called, it was too stupid and I threw him out. That's not possible, that you threaten other people the foreskin (?) Or even to take his life… My son thinks he was very embarrassed he started to cry and now does not talk to me anymore. What should I do, I'm completely desperate.
Get used to the puberty of your son. It looks different than yours x years ago, there you have to go through. Apparently you have exaggerated a bit as a helicopter mom.
If you would travel more often, you would know that such phrases among adolescents are not only normal, but actually still harmless. At our place, the 12-year-old girls talk about their fumbling and smooching experiences on the bus…
That was not correct of you. You have deeply hurt your son. Now he has finally found a friend, then you throw him upright without warning and the friend, do not even know why.
Of course, this is superficial to your son. The friend tells it all around the whole school. What is your son and you now?
You could have reacted differently. You could have told the friend about it, could have told him that such terms are not right for you.
Can your son not play normal games with his friend?
Do you have any idea what this game is about?
Have you ever experienced children talking and interacting with each other when playing with each other (and no adult is in sight)? Maybe you can also remember a few events from your childhood and puberty.
Children, teenagers… They play with terms they heard or read somewhere. Especially if their role models (older siblings, envied buddies or any "influencers" or stars) use one or the other of terms. Sometimes there are also fashion words or fashion terms, word meanings with which one is increasingly confronted in the respective age group.
Like your son currently, for example, in school, in clubs, on the school bus (just as possible examples). A pure avoidance strategy does not help.
Kids and teens like to try it out. They juggle with the words, try to what extent they get through or off in their social environment, they also want to provoke… At some point they even notice if the words / phrases they themselves like or not - and then sort out one or the other their language use again.
If now just children / adolescent teenagers interact together and use terms / phrases, then one can assume to a certain extent that there's a desire behind it "to stand out and act cooler". Sometimes it's just just terms that are currently fashionable in the age group. Part of it are expressions that you have more or less unconsciously taken over and uses - without thinking about what that actually means.
Almost every child, every adolescent goes through this phase (s). No matter what social class this adolescent comes from. Whether the parents are doctors or construction workers, whether farmers or educators / teachers.
