I'm only 15 years old and very sensitive, I usually feel like other people feel right now and I'm also very vulnerable
In any case, I live in a group, my brother lives with my mother and treats them well, she makes a lot of effort for him, she goes to work for him and, if necessary, buys him everything he wants, so that he is nice to her and that I hate so much about my brother.
I've had the feeling for a long time (also for some other reason)
But I also have the feeling that she is not feeling well at all and she feels lonely, she always denies it but something tells me that it is not. And it makes me very down.
She has no one left, my brother just squats in front of his Playstation and she only has her cell phone, she's been on the cell phone lately, as far as I can remember I was only on the cell phone when I felt lonely. I'm worried, the only problem is that from the outside I feel very cold and dismissive and can't really show that I'm worried and when I want to talk to someone about something I usually get too tense over, what should I do?
I'm happy about any help
Write a letter to your mother. Very old fashioned on paper. This has the advantage that you have time for the phrases, and your mother does not have to answer you directly. This prevents misunderstandings.
I have never been able to feel empathetic, even when I really felt sympathy and just wanted to help people. It just did not fit my image and that's why it was unnatural. But if you're really worried about your mother, then maybe she'll need to talk to her. Even if she does not want to say anything and just waver when you talk to her about problems. To make it easier for you and her, you could do something with her from time to time. Take some time to go shopping with her, for example. She has to do that anyway and that takes away the pressure. There you could also have a good conversation. Or cook something for her and your brother and then you eat together. Or you ask her with serious interest, what she has done today in the work. Quite so small things that you can talk to well.
You can write her something. So write down your thoughts and possibly conversation offers.
The point, however, is that it is not your job, not your brother's, to entertain your mother! She is grown and responsible for herself. The kids are not their only social contacts or should not be!
So if you want to do something about her loneliness, ask her if she does not want to meet old friends or relatives again. Encourage them to revisit an old hobby, perhaps in a class / group. Ask her if she did anything that used to be fun in the past.
Some people also have such cell phone phases, in which they necessarily have to be constantly on the phone.
You can offer to call her daily or meet her once a week for a specific activity. Possibly an activity that she also brings together with other people with whom she might later do something alone.
But as I said, if your mother depended on interacting with your brother, what would she do in 5 years, if he might move out for his education? Then she would be completely alone. It would be better, she would now find some friendships / acquaintances and interests, which she would continue without children in the house. Your brother and you also want to make your own friends and not just activities with the parents!
There's a problem there, I live in a residential group 10 hours away
I had plans to move into a shared flat with 2 friends but if it had to be and my mother did not make it I would also move with her because I know how it feels and she does not deserve it, she is a good person unlike most people today
Achso, I thought you might live a maximum of 30 minutes away from her… You could also talk to your brother and tell him that you are really worried about your mother and maybe he can take some time off and the things that I suggested to do. If she then opens up a bit more to him, she may become more social again over time
You are still very young and actually too young to be so worried about your mother. I do not know why you no longer live at home, but that will probably have a reason. Actually, you are the one who needs protection and security, and your mother is responsible for that. She has a life of her own and how she shapes it, she has to know for herself. She is not yet old and frail and it is up to her to change something or not.
You have to try to come to terms with yourself, and as you imagine your future, so should you, too, to achieve these goals. I can imagine how you feel, how sensitive and empathetic I'm. But life has taught me that you have to think of yourself if you do not want to be on the track yourself.
You can never please everyone, so you need to strive to get a little thicker skin and develop healthy selfishness in certain things. Because as I said, your mother should be there for you, especially at your present age and not the other way around. If you keep in touch with her, ask her how she is doing and tell you what you do, then she knows that you love her and think about her.
You can't do more for them unless you move home, but even then you live your world and the mother has to live their lives. The only thing would be more closeness, but if you're not the type, that does not change the situation. Every human being is responsible for himself and lonely, no one needs if he does not want it.
Go with her. She thinks that's great! My mother and I also agreed that I let her live with me when I have a little house and maybe a friend, just so she does not feel lonely. And she thinks the idea is great.
Hm, yes, that would work, but how long?
What if you meet a partner? Do you have children? Would you like to go abroad? It is very nice that you want to be there for your mother and you should do that, but in a setting that will give you a life of your own! No one should sacrifice for the other!
There are, according to Fred Flintstone, but still 4000 other people in the world. How about the fish that feeds a man for a day and the fishing that feeds him for the rest of his life? You can't bring fish to your mother all her life, but you can now teach her fishing, and also learn with her, by doing an activity with her that brings you both together with new people.
It is always "dangerous" when a person relies only on social contact with ONE other person. What if the other person gets sick, has problems of his own, wants to move to work, has children, goes abroad or wants to do something else that does not make him available on a daily basis? Then you should have other contacts, even if only "good friend" and no friends.
I do not really want to make you right, because I usually hate people.
Only my mother is special, she is not like the other dudes running around outside
I think of you extremely sweet 🐺
I'm only 15 and unfortunately there's a reason why I do not live at home, but if I'm 18 maybe.
Yes, I know, a mother should always be something special. If you report regularly, your mother will know and feel that she is special to you as well. I know that, I have three children myself, but they are older and out of the house. But our regular contact and visits always let me feel that, special.
It may also be that your mother is worried about you and maybe you are not happy with the fact that you live so far away, just because you are so young. And that's why she sounds a bit sad because she can't express otherwise. But whatever it is, give her the feeling that you are well and that you often think about her.
As I said, it would be a good idea to write her a letter describing her current feelings to her. And that you want to make her happy, because who gets a letter today by mail. There are a thousand little things to show her the special. Surely your mother will understand and feel these little things. If you have children yourself, then you will believe that too.
Until then, I wish you all the best and do not see all mothers as Tunten and also otherwise you should not see negative in all people. One always only looks on everyone's forehead, to look inside, often takes a very long time. But then you too have to give people the opportunity to let you look. You only see well with your heart, but you should also show a little heart, because you have a good one, it would be a pity if others do not see it.
There's a reason that you are in a group home and also that you are so far away from home.
You write that you can't tell your mother that you love her. If you then contract with your mother at 18, you are hurting yourself. You have to be the most important person for you! It means 'Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF!'
Do that which is good for you. Your mother is grown and responsible for herself.
Speak openly and honestly with the caregivers in the housing group. You are not the first to have such thoughts. With the help of a therapist, you can see through what the real reasons are that you have the idea to reunite with your mother.
The problem is that we both had acquaintances, but they always exploit us, bullying or dropping us. I already have a partner and still I would like to get her out of the slum. Especially because she has nothing to do with her parents, where she could go, as well as money to change. I can't get children and I do not want them, so she would not bother and could help me in the garden. She would still work and otherwise would not change much, so that would actually be a good solution for now in our case.
