My friend gambles too much and does nothing in the household?

I have been with my friend for 1.5 years now, we also moved in about half a year ago. My first problem is that my friend doesn't help me around the house at all. We argued about it 1-2 times, he also saw it, maybe did a little more for 3 days, but not now.

Furthermore, he is really only playing, he comes home after work in the evening, eats something and goes gaming. While watching, he watches yt videos or fortnite. We may watch a movie once a week for 1-2 hours. I don't understand, he's 21 and I've told him quite a few times that I didn't move in with him so that he could gamble all the time, but so that we could spend more time. I said that quite a few times, but he doesn't want to understand it. I really can't cope with it, where we used to live with our parents, we did more than we do now. If he gambles or goes out with his buddies every now and then until 2am. Regardless of whether gamble or go out with buddies, he's always laughing with them, always having fun. If I ask if we want to go out, the only answer is, it's boring to go out, you can't do anything anyway. He'll go out with me once every 2 months, if at all. The only regular go out is to shop once a week.
My goal is to get married soon and save for it, his goal is to become a Fortnite streamer. That scares me so much that he will be on his Ps4 even longer. I just don't understand how he can put Fortnite above me. I do not want to forbid him to gamble, because I find this forced hanging out bad together, have spoken to him several times about the fact that I do not find this whole situation beautiful. He just doesn't take it so seriously
I'm slowly tired of such a "relationship". But he is also a person whom I love and appreciate very much and from whom I do not want to leave

I would like to hear what you think about what you can do and maybe there are a few men here who can play and give tips themselves

I also know a guy like that. He is on the computer 24/7. A complete crash if you ask me, unfortunately, because he is actually a clever and quite athletic boy. But well. I think nothing of it. If I'm honest, I would really deal with him on the subject, make him understand that you should be more important than his stupid child's play, even if this should be taken for granted!

If he still doesn't want to understand it… Let's be honest - there's only one option. Unless you want to spend your life with an irresponsible guy who wants to achieve something among millions of others in a game that has long been out of date.

I mean - don't get me wrong. Having dreams is good. However, he could then immediately say he would like to become President of the United States, which is probably on the same wavelength in terms of probability.

As I said, talking is the key and the most important thing in a relationship.

I hope for you that he will finally grow up. I mean, I also want to spend time with colleagues as often as possible - but I'm also single.

If I had a friend that I really love, I wouldn't put her completely in front of my friends (logical), but I would ALWAYS find time for her, and believe me.

Oh yes. The dear world of men. I have a similar candidate in my home. I know about the household until he said to me at some point that I should tell him what to do, because he doesn't see it himself. Since then it works.

Furthermore, he is really only playing, he comes home after work in the evening, eats something and goes gaming. While watching, he watches yt videos or fortn.ite

When he comes home from work, he may also be tired and ready to relax. I don't really see the problem there. You should accept that he doesn't feel like jumping around you all the time.

that I didn't move in with him so that he gambled all the time, but that we could spend more time.

I don't think that's a good attitude. You see each other for hours every day, get used to the idea that love doesn't stay as fresh as on the first day. You spend time with him and if you just sit next to each other and are in the same room. That's why you live together in one household. With my friend, the biggest highlight is now just shopping. But it is all the better when you do something different. We go e.g. Sometimes just stroll through the city a bit.

My goal is to get married soon and save for it, his goal is to become a Fortnite streamer.

The one does not exclude the other. Men don't talk so much about their feelings. Did you ever tell him you're scared? By the way, if he is good at streaming, he earns not insignificant, depending on which you can live very well.

I'm slowly tired of such a "relationship". But he is also a person whom I love and appreciate very much and from whom I do not want to leave

Do you know what the trick of a successful relationship is? To take your partner as he is. You love him and he will surely love you too, so let him gamble.

Try to come up with suggestions a la "Today's a great movie, do we want to watch it?" Instead of "I want to do something."

With my friend it is so that he sometimes has gamble phases, then he just sits on the computer but it also goes around. Your friend should of course also come to meet you when it comes to things to do. Don't worry that he seems to have more fun with his friends and does something more often, he wouldn't be with you if he wasn't happy with you.

I'm slowly tired of such a "relationship".

… You speak to me from the soul. I would not have such a partner for long, because if he prefers to gamble a relationship, it is not a harmonious relationship.

Of course, you have to know whether you can live with being the second violin and playing your girl for everything by taking care of the household, then children and other things and then leaving you alone with all of this because household management is uncool and he doesn't feel like looking after the child but rather prefers to play, gamble and laugh with his friends.

At least that's what it will look like if you don't open your eyes and it doesn't change, which I doubt.

I would think about moving out again and going my own way, because your way will not be a common way, I'm 100% sure.

Now please don't come with me: But I love him so much! Because the way he deals with you you can no longer speak of love.

Take a look, for example, at what my brother-in-law has experienced, precisely because he always gave in and carried his wife on his hands and didn't do a lot himself.

My brother-in-law was so stupid and devoted and did everything for his wife and never thought of himself. Now look what has become of it:

My brother-in-law has done everything in his life for his girlfriend and then wife. He had known her since she was 13 and had only her for almost a lifetime. Otherwise never had any other relationship. That's a shame, because he had no comparison. Because she was always satisfied no matter what he did and he carried her on his hands and gave up a lot. He married her, had two children because she wanted her but he wasn't ready yet. Bought a house because she wanted it, but he had no money and was heavily in debt and so on. Consequence of the matter: When he once said his opinion and hit the table, she packed her things, left her husband and children behind and moved to the family's best friend. She divorced and married his best friend. Now they have been waging a war of roses over gain for over 2 years. Although she never paid a cent to the family fund or for the house loan, she naturally wants half of everything and also gets a share of a pension from the DRV for the past 20 years of marriage.

So don't be as stupid as my brother-in-law and don't let everything go and think of yourself and not just others.

This is bad with your brother-in-law. I can understand that now you think it won't last forever with me because of course you don't know our whole relationship. I do believe that my relationship will last forever. Sounds really cheesy haha. The thing is on the one hand he is very loving and helps me, on the other hand he is just a child because his mom said that he never had to help with household chores or anything like that, I think that with a bit of upbringing you can do something can save 😂

With the housekeeping we have now regulated it just like you. Well, it doesn't bother me that he gambles or that he gambles longer, bothers me that he can't do anything with me, but always finds something with his friends.
yes I say that too, e.g. If we want to watch the film afterwards, then comes: yes later, and then he gambles on and on. I really don't feel like running after a dog, so sometimes he's surprised because I don't do it anymore

O.K… However, my story is in the back of my mind!

Yes, I said that quite often with fortnite and the probability. However, he wants it anyway. Often when I say something against it, he asks me why I don't treat him. Then I say again that I treat him (I also do some things that definitely show him that) but I also think a little further.
it is an unloaded discussion 😂

Sorry but something really doesn't work what this woman did… I'm really sorry for your brother-in-law that he was so exploited and then left alone.

May I ask you what questions come across without being racist? What nationality is he?

So first of all he needs time for himself. He had it when you weren't living together. And now not anymore. And the topic was never on the table, he just did it unconsciously. It was clear to my girlfriend and we talked about it. With us it is also the case that we do something alone twice a week in the evening (they fitness studio, I band rehearsal and protege), that is, artificially reduce our time together. What works for Apple works for us too.

Then it could be that you are demanding, not motivating. I also like to gamble, I also have a crisp goal (stacked much deeper than your friend's), but my fair owner understands that it is more exciting and interesting than the calculator. However, her option is not "watch film" and then n woman film in the end. So what do I like Not at all, for me it is lonely in front of the telly a horror show. If you still nag now, then it's around. Because then you always nibble on his ego and giving in would be a total loss of face for him. Read "Why men lie and women always buy shoes" by Pearse - there the nagging has its own chapter and a great exit strategy - and the book is awesome!

A friend of mine had exactly this problem, and he would have been carried away by it, but she never suggested an option. "You could also do something with me" "Yes, of course what" "Don't know, suggest something". That's not how it works. It has proven useful for us that I propose to lead, so to speak, but it doesn't have to be classic. We always try to motivate others. So if I want to get out (I like walking in the forest), I pack my picnic basket or hammock, because that likes my fairies. And then I present it contagiously, not demanding. And she anyway. We both do it so that the lover has the right of first refusal, but if he doesn't want the other to do something with friends.

I-how do I feel with your friend that he has ego problems. That he drives extreme avoidance because of this. Quasi depressive features shows. Success in gaming is e.g. Much easier to get than success in life. I find that, especially with online games in the role-playing area (classic World of Warcraft, but e.g. Path of Exile, what I play) the most dangerous thing when gaming! I couldn't sit around while my girlfriend was doing housework. Most of it does, but I work longer. And what is left over, we do together, a matter of honor! And if you're still nagging explicitly and implicitly dissatisfied (what you're broadcasting), that's a lot worse. Don't get me wrong, if something doesn't suit you, say it, but you can do it efficiently (see book tip).

Then with us e.g. So that in the evening we often do something alone for two hours. I'm mostly done when I come home, we celebrate a nice meal and then stop. So that I play or play guitar and my girlfriend tailors / designs her current dress or wasted time with WA. I rarely want to "go out" during the week. We do that on weekends. Mostly n day as a couple and on Sunday something social, friends or family or network. Incidentally, this could help if you are tired of making decisions, that you have a tradition. So e.g. On Saturday evening couple's evening (I think that's terrible, but many like it). Or the classic Sunday trip.

Speaking of a Sunday excursion: the couple of friends that I have already mentioned somehow always gave each other responsibility. Probably to be immune from criticism. Because the decision maker can be criticized. With us it is the case that I mostly think about something, and then my girlfriend already gives critical feedback. But I know what she likes and I'm getting better and better. If you only fool him about a campaign and don't make the best of it, then he (rather with the currently weak ego that I presume) would rather hand over responsibility next time. We also do it every now and then so that we prepare a nice day for the other. Then I have to go to the thermal baths, but it's about my hero, not about me. Has something, I can recommend!

Well, what I would do now: first read the book and address my problems with the learned efficiency. Not a good comp

Then tell him just like that.

I find it particularly critical that he can't even help in his own (!) Household and that eating is not possible without a device.

Go somewhere else for two weeks, maybe even go on vacation and let it acidify. At the moment I would not think of wedding.

He must be aware that you are neither his cleaning lady nor your cook. You are also not the manager of the household. It affects both of you.

If you should eat together again, then enforce a strict ban on cell phones.

Otherwise ignore him for a while. Do not make suggestions about anything, but go out with friends.

Even if you live together, you don't really have to spend every minute together, but something should be done together. However, if he doesn't recognize that, then I question a future together.