How do you react if someone postpones a phone call with you because of online gambling with your buddy?

Suppose you have a very good friend who lives further away and whom you can only see every few months.

And which you haven't seen for almost a year because of Corona…

You talk on the phone for an hour every week and you have an appointment to call tomorrow, Monday.

This friend is quite a bit younger than you and tends to talk his way out of it when he's in an uncomfortable situation (I've now used the word talk out instead of "lying", which is better).

You have a fixed appointment for a phone call tomorrow (during the day, the time has not yet been set) and you will know in advance that your friend's best friend announces that he will be with your good friend online for 12 hours tomorrow from 12 noon in a live stream to gamble.

That means, from noon tomorrow until midnight, the game will probably be played in one go.

As far as I know my friend, he will come up with some excuse to apologize for not being able to make a phone call (helping father in the garden. Etc.).

How would you react if he came up with an excuse instead of admitting that he was constantly gambling?

In general, I'm interested in whether it is common for men to gamble half the day at the age of 33?

I have to add that my friend is working and his best buddy is currently unemployed for the third time because he was treated so "unfairly" in the new and in the old company.

Since then he has been constantly gambling every day and posts one game after the other on Twitch, is permanently online.

My friend recently told me that he repeatedly helps his buddy with the application, because after 1 application he does not see the need to continue to apply quickly.

The buddy makes a big gamer, but privately he doesn't get anything on the chain.

My friend is a nice guy and feels obliged to help. When the buddy is gambling, he'd like to be there too.

But he does not have the confidence to tell me why he wants to postpone the phone call because he is low in self-confidence and likes to take the path of least resistance.

I firmly expect an excuse to come tomorrow as to why he can't make a phone call…

How would you react if an excuse came up? We're all about F +.

He doesn't know that I know about gambling.

If he comes up with an excuse, confront him with the game.

Would you say you saw that?

Hello first: Playing for 12 hours is not normal at all, not twice at this age. I would talk to him directly about the excuses. Anyone who "still" plays with over 30 and that (for days) (hours are apparently not enough) somehow did something wrong. In addition, the behavior towards friends!

What is wrong with playing 30+? There are very many gamers over 30s. You have no idea

Yes I would. How do you know that he wants to game 12 o'clock tomorrow?

I thank you. I see it that way too. Especially putting people I had an appointment with first, even if it was just a phone call.

It's a deep friendship, so you should be honest with each other

It's about the number of hours, not age

Basically your statement is correct, but in this context and this amount of time, that is not normal!

The buddy has an extra account on Insta, where he advertises his gaming activities and it is announced that he will do a 12 hour live stream with my best friend tomorrow from 12 noon.

As long as you do this 2-3 times a year as part of a live stream, the hours aren't a problem either.

But he doesn't just do it 2-3 times a year

Oh you can see clairvoyance

That the guy's friend has a problem is quite possible. Otherwise he would have his life on the line. But the only thing we know about the guy is that he'll be there once.

I would honestly tell him to just tell the truth and ask what his priorities are. You haven't seen each other in person for a long time and apparently only call at fixed times, but your friend is permanently online and therefore always available.

I see it that way too. The problem is that he generally lies when things get uncomfortable for him. With me, parents, friends, with everyone. It's a way of avoiding unpleasant things that he has used for a long time.

I discovered that 2 months ago and said, I know that you often lie. And he admitted it and asked for help. Unfortunately, I live 300 km away and our personal conversation is pushed back more and more because of Corona.

You only have F +? Then why such an outline? Tell him clearly that he is not obliged to always have time, but he should kindly be honest and write a message like a grown man that he can only call the next day or next week.

It now sounded more like a relationship… So with deadline pressure, being offended when he wants to do something other than making a phone call, being dissatisfied with what he does with other friends and how long he gambles, etc.

Gambling with friends is completely normal. The duration is also not that unusual, especially since you hardly gamble through it unless he would do it every day.

It is about making appointments BEFORE the same day, which are postponed by gambling with an excuse that you have important things to do. Nobody likes to be lies.

In any case, I would talk to him about it or just call him at 10 a.m.

You can also skype, it's almost like a personal conversation

I'm divided on that.

In this case, F + means that he would like me to be there for his problems, listen to him, etc. It is much more to us than sex. Somehow I can't see why I should have an open ear for his (sorry) loser buddy, who instead of applying, gamble nonstop, play the last fiddle, but then when it suits the gentleman, should have an open ear again.

I wanted to, or WhatsApp video, but he usually calls while driving. To put it mildly, it only pisses me off with my buddy, since my friend cried out to me during the last phone call that he was helping him again with the application and that he couldn't get his feet up. And then I'm put off because of the (sorry) loser.

I don't feel like it. I'm always there for him.

At what?

That is how I see it too. But the buddy makes something very important out of it. He, the famous big gamer, is tomorrow, 12h for 12 hours with xy in the game xx on Twitch. YOU MUST NOT MISS THIS.

The fact that an appointment is postponed or canceled as an exception does not mean that he does not take your friendship seriously or is ungrateful or something. That just happens. He usually calls you every week and not only when he has problems, right?

If you feel exploited or the like, you should communicate that and set limits instead of being angry when he does something to someone. In addition, it is nicer to spend time with someone personally than just talking on the phone for an hour.

Uff, that sounds pretty exhausting. Then I would have him sent to a psychologist. Perhaps he is disturbed in his self-perception and is addicted to gambling. With my current knowledge of this topic, I can well imagine.

That about Skype is like a face-to-face conversation. One understands that poorly, the connection breaks down and and and but as I said, that's just my opinion. Of course, it's nice to be able to see it across the street, but I find it very vague to compare it with a personal conversation.

But as I just read above, it doesn't actually come to that. Since he's not even focused on you when making Tefelon but when driving a car. Which in turn is very disadvantageous because he is not always able to listen to you properly because he has to pay attention to the traffic. With all my love, I would blow the march properly. Either he takes the time to make calls without driving a car or anything else or he just lets it be the same.

He doesn't spend any personal time with the buddy either, but plays online. The buddy in one city, my friend in the other. What is more personal about online gaming than a phone call?

He works a lot and has little compensation due to Corona, since everything is closed.

I also think it's important to be more responsive.

Ah ok. Still, it's only once, so why the drama?

Because of the lie that will come again. It will say again, I had to help dad in the garden.

As long as you don't neglect your other duties and continue to live your life normally, there's nothing wrong with doing what you want in your free time. When you are free you can gamble as long as you are funny, that's not abnormal

So if I were you I would think twice about it…

Then don't get so stuck on gambling, it doesn't matter. To lie, I have already said what to do. Just say that it's okay if he doesn't have time, but lying is the last thing.

Ask him directly why he doesn't have time. Gambling for 12 hours is not normal.

What exactly?

I see it the way you do.

Does that even make sense?

And I'm definitely not the most social either. Schizophrenia, suspected social phobia, currently depressed, discreet alcoholic single-handedly (also outside), internally torn, currently broken self-confidence and a lot more that doesn't make me seem social. So with that he can't talk himself out of it, I think. There are others who are more unlucky than "just" low self-esteem in something like this. And even they manage to somehow communicate properly to their fellow human beings. No complaining. You can show him how he behaves and make you scarce, maybe he'll understand what your friendship means. Unless she is no longer so important to him.

He hadn't made it out yet. On Saturday he wrote to me, we will definitely be on the phone from noon on Monday.

Now the buddy is posting, from 12 o'clock the 12 hours with various games are online. That's not normal. At the age of 33, gamble for 12 hours and let strangers gawk at you.

What exactly?

I had considered making myself scarce if I was transferred, yes.

The whole

Then do that. You can tell him that he could have told you the truth, as a friend, if he talked his way out and if he asks about a postponement, you can say that you don't have time because you are with xy just do z.