How do I help my depressed 16 year old. Old brother?

I'm 18 years old and my parents are divorced. We live with our loving mother who stands by us every day with everything, she does the WHOLE household.

The real question is how do I help my depressed brother? This one talks and does not look into our faces, when he looks he has this cold, emotionless look. As if he didn't even care about our death. He hangs out the whole day with his internet friends on Ps4 and also watches TikToks from people who seem a bit "EMO" or "Goth" in my eyes, people who don't value life and look forward to death. My brother is very rarely outside and uses every opportunity to get out of the way, e.g. In the morning when I drive us to school he usually wants to run in the cold. He always thinks he has a problem that nobody can solve, but he keeps this problem to himself. He also scratched himself once with my razor for which I scolded him a lot. He had 2 Internet relationships, one of which wanted to "focus on school" when he started school, this seems like a cheap excuse to me. His internet friends are also depressed children. He lets his hair grow so that it completely covers his face with a mask and hood while he wears headphones and separates himself from his surroundings. His classmates and teachers are worried. Today my mother took his cell phone and he immediately stormed her and pushed her into a corner where I had to stop him. My question now: what can we do? He doesn't want to see a doctor. He doesn't accept help. My mother suffers and cries slowly in the evenings that annoys me. I hate to see my mother cry.

Is he really depressed or is it just that typical teenage annoyance?

Except for the scratching (how long ago was that?) Now nothing of what you write really indicates depression. His problem can also just be that everyone around him does something, but doesn't really care.

But to answer your question: if he doesn't want any help, even a forced admission won't do anything. Not to mention the fact that something like this is not that easy to do.

The scratching was around 6 months ago.

Your description doesn't actually indicate depression.

The self-harming behavior is of course a sign of emotional distress, but it can also be caused by "normal" teenage problems that he prefers to talk about with friends than with family. Know that it only happened once.

By the way, self-harm is under no circumstances a reason to yell at someone. This is by far the worst reaction you can get. Then you don't need to be surprised if it doesn't open.

Even if it's difficult, calm down first and don't try to approach the situation as emotionally charged and factual. Of course, your brother feels the emotional tension that arises with this topic. He probably can't handle that, so he'll avoid you. (Especially after the experience with the reaction)

It is now important to give him the space he needs without making him feel alone. If you don't give him the space he needs, he will take it to himself → move away from you.

Means: leave privacy. No controls behind his back or anything. Don't let the topic be present all the time, so don't look at him pityingly or try to address him on it. Treat him completely normally and take care of yourself too. He will notice when he is pulling you down, which also contributes to the distance. So selfcare first.

Perhaps write him a letter in which you say that you can tell that something seems to be bothering him and openly say that you can't assess the situation. Also that you trust him that he can assess what he needs and that you support him in every way. E.g. If he ever wants to talk to someone professional.

Just for your information: scratching is not a symptom of depression. However, it sometimes appears in combination. Hardly anyone cuts themselves in adulthood. Not even with depression. Help should still be given if it happens frequently.

You're right. Is maybe a little unhappy expressed.

No problem.

We actually get on well, he likes to come by if he has advice. But we never do anything because he prefers to gamble, which in my opinion is normal for children his age. I can't play with him online because he doesn't allow it. He doesn't answer any of my questions while gambling.