I'm 27 years young, married, happy, have a nice apartment, a very loving and nice woman (24 years), who I love more than anything. We both work quite a bit and earn good money, have prestigious jobs, we also do a lot and also allow ourselves some freedom, have been together for 8 years and have been married for over 4 years. And thank goodness are healthy! Everything so far great!
Sometimes we sit at home in the evening and just have nothing to do. The apartment is tidy, we ate, didn't feel like watching a film or a series. We just go out for a walk and talk so little about God and the world.
Recently, during a walk like this, we came up with the topic that we can actually make a child from time to time just to have children and maybe to give birth to a human being. At the beginning I thought this idea was great and I also thought that I would actually like to be there.
Many from our area also have children and it is great to see that the best friends also have children, that everything looks like a picture book.
Now I think very differently. Every day I distance myself more from having children. There are very clear reasons for this that nobody actually knows. My wife's sister has 3 sons. The oldest suffer from ADHD. It's a problem case. Makes trouble in school, doesn't get anything in order, is addicted to Playstation. If his wishes are not fulfilled, he beats his father at the age of 10. I also know that he is absolutely not spoiled. He just has ADHD. The second is a normal boy, no behavioral problems. The third son (1.5 years old) now shows symptoms of a similar illness. There's no diagnosis (yet). The father describes 1: 1 the same behavior pattern as the oldest son, that worries us all.
I'm particularly worried. These behavioral disorders can be traced back to my in-laws, and despite their older age (50-60 years) they have similar patterns. After years of marriage, both of them couldn't stand each other anymore, since both tick far too differently. The father of the ADHD sick child describes the behavioral disorder just like some of the properties of our father-in-law. But nothing is medically proven!
I'm now saying somewhere that this is genetic. The behavioral disorder comes from my in-laws. There's no known psychological disorder in my family.
I'm not very concerned about this topic, but I'm still torn between whether I could pass on an illness. And that frightens me insanely. I don't want my child to say, "You knew I would be like this, why did you father me?"
I can't tell my wife about these thoughts, she would think I was crazy. I actually can't talk to anyone about it.
What would you mean Am I exaggerating?
What kind of marriage do you have if you can't talk to your wife about your fears and worries? Of course you can! And you should too! And if she doesn't take you seriously or doesn't respond to your fears, you should rethink some things.
I think you should take your time to discuss all of this. Describe your thoughts and worries and consider together what you want and need. The most important thing is that you both are happy with it. You shouldn't force something like that in your life. But also keep in mind that there's no going back later and you could regret a lot.
Take your time and find the right decision for YOU together.
Recently, during a walk like this, the topic came up that we can actually make a child from time to time just to have children
Great attitude! Having a child also means taking responsibility… Not because ma is just a little bored. You have a child at home for around 18 years, looking after them, waking nights at their bed, etc. The time when they get their teeth is also very tiring and not laughable.
If your wife's sister's children are different than desired, it has nothing to do with your children. A lot can be controlled through education. If the children show behavioral problems, they are certainly in treatment / therapy because of that…
What would you mean Am I exaggerating?
Yes, in any case.
In my view, you can't overdo it with worries, but you are really at the limit.
Do you want a child Do you want to take care of it Be there for it?
You shouldn't worry so much about what could happen. Yes, ADHD is hereditary, not always, but sometimes.
What difference does it make? Do you only want a child if he is healthy and has good genes? A diagnosis is only a part, but never the whole.
If you have a child with a diagnosis, be there for them and try to find the best possible way so that they can have a good and fulfilling life.
A father would do that.
I had a choice of whether I really wanted to meet my best friend, even though he was diagnosed with cancer. And I chose it because he could make me laugh when no one else could. Yes, I lost it much too early, but I have time together.
A child just wants to be loved, just the way it is. Can you do that Do it then! The world needs this kind of fathers.
What would i do Of course having children! My children are the best thing that happened to me in life - after my wife, of course. I thank God every day for this gift.
Of course, not everything is always ideal, having children is also exhausting. It means responsibility, work, commitment. And still it's great!
A child is really a gift. And like with any gift, you don't know what you get. Every child has its own personality, it is a separate person. As a father, you have the privilege of being able to support this little person, to help him develop. But you have to accept the child as it is, with all its strengths and weaknesses.
Please don't have children because you're bored. This is bad motivation. You should have children because you want children. It is a journey with an uncertain destination.
I think all children can be stressful with or without ADHD. My little niece e.g. Very bright child, but that's a nice thing. A lot also depends on the upbringing.
And considering that there are much worse diseases in this world, ADHD is really nothing bad. If you can call it illness at all.
However, you shouldn't father a child out of boredom, more because you want to connect, want to start a family and out of love. Then all other worries seem smaller to you because you go together and tackle them together. You still have time to consider whether you really want to take this step and whether you are ready for it.
