How do you like my book
1st chapter
One more hit and his opponent would be done for Zed thought, Luran his pawn hit to the right, but his opponent dived quickly and countered with his left in the stomach of Luran. He was horrified to find that his life indicator was getting dangerously smaller. Luran switched quickly and pulled his knife out of a pocket and rammed it into his opponent's throat, who went straight to the ground. Music started and a trophy appeared on the screen, "Yeah, won!" shouted Zed.
He's been training for the national e-sports team for a year now.
But so far the trainer had not contacted them.
By now he knew all the tactics and almost always won.
"Zed, come down there's dinner!" called his mother from the kitchen.
After dinner, Zed stormed up again, switched the PS4 on again, pulled the VR glasses over his eyes and looked for a place to hide in the game for the night.
Ding Dong Zed ran downstairs and almost lost his balance because he tried to pull down the VR glasses while running down the stairs. When Zed opened the door, there was a rather unfriendly looking postman across from him, the postman just handed Zed an envelope and left. Ted was just about to go back upstairs, so he took a closer look at the letter, either he had just fallen in love or the letter really had his name! After Zed closed the door of his room, he opened the letter.
Zed pulled out the paper and read:
Dear Zed Ester,
We have seen you playing quite a few times and we have to say that we're thrilled.
In this letter we would like to invite you to take part in the national e-sport team. Since we're so enthusiastic about your style of play, we hope that you will want to be a part of it,
and may.
We will clarify everything else when the time comes.
Best regards,
ESports chairman
Zed looked up in disbelief at the text. He had just dreamed that.
Finally he was able to break out of his rigidity, in the next moment he was already standing downstairs with his parents, who were just sitting in front of the TV and watching the news.
The content doesn't really grab me. There are also a lot of grammatical and spelling mistakes.
On a scale from 1 (very bad) to 10 (very good) about a 2.
Well, I won't say anything on the subject, it's really not my genre.
Rhetorically this is quite mediocre, rather below average. There's still a lot of room for improvement. There are also some spelling mistakes.
So in terms of the subject, not bad at all. However, you still have to pay attention to the use of commas, which is also important for the following chapters. Also, a few sentences (like the one with dinner) seem too choppy and you have a few repetitions of words in it, which doesn't look very great.
Conclusion: The Feinschlief and some content is missing, but otherwise okay 👍
I think it's good
I've seen worse works before, but also much better ones.
On the subject, I have to say, I'm not interested in it personally, but you shouldn't mind.
What you definitely need to improve is your grammar. In some places you have points where, in my opinion, a comma belongs, in other places exactly the other way around. Very often a comma is missing where one belongs, sometimes a period.
Then I don't understand why you make a paragraph in some places.
I also think that dinner is pointless. He is called down, only to run up again and use his console again. So I would either just leave dinner out or decorate it more so that you can get to know your parents.
I also find the scene with the postman very illogical. Why is the letter not put in a mailbox? After all, that is the norm. And why does he come after dinner? Is the poor postman out of work? I also find it very unrealistic that your main character runs down so excitedly. Apparently he doesn't expect to get the letter.
Finally, I find the content of the letter very unrealistic. He's currently being officially asked to join the national team, so I expect something completely different. I would not write that you saw him playing, but rather that he was successful in official competitions. You will hardly have discovered him in his nursery. I also hardly believe that they write, we will clarify everything else at some point. There's a great deal to be clarified now. Until when does he have time to decide? Where should he report? Does he have to move for training, fortunately does he live in the right city or is there just a virtual trainer?
