Should I tell my mother that my friend is unemployed?

I'm 21 years old and will study in a month.

My friend is 29 years old and has been unemployed for half a year. He had previously worked in call centers. But he did not enjoy it and he did not bother and quit. Now he gets the unemployment benefit.

My friend had then trained as a cook and successfully completed. But as a cook, he does not want to be active because he had a poisoning and almost died. Which I can understand.

Now he wants to do an apprenticeship as a computer scientist. The employment office gave him a chance and he is currently doing a three-month training there. After this training he has to pass a test. If everything goes well then he may do a training as a specialist in IT.

In his free time, he enjoys streaming on Twitch and for being a beginner, he gets on well with people. He usually taps and talks to people. His real dream is to earn money as a streamer and to be independent. I support him and help him now and then.

My real problem is that I'm worried about him and about our future. He has been unemployed for half a year and I'm worried that the IT specialist training will not work or that even with Twitch will be nothing. He is already 29 years old and must constantly ask his father for money. Unfortunately, he can't really handle money. If he gets money then he spends directly on equipment and games.

I lied to my mother. I did not tell her he was unemployed and I do not want to tell her because I know her. She will then tell me if I really want to spend the future with such a man. Incidentally, my mother thinks of Eastern Europe. She thinks that most of the man has to pay, not the wife (this typical role stereotype). I know that she will have a problem with that when she learns that he has been unemployed for half a year.

Should I tell her the truth or not?

And how do you find the current situation of my friend?

This is not your mother's concern. She has nothing to say in your partnership.

You do not seem to have "East European thinking".

If you want to make a living for both of you in the future, then nothing speaks against it. Your friend plays at home and you go to work. Do you imagine your life like this?

You seem to have doubts yourself because you even lie to your mother

"She will then tell me if I really want to spend the future with such a man."

This question is justified - and it is sad that you do not put it yourself…

The question I ask myself.

You already know the answer…

Well, I can support a man financially as long as I believe that his situation is temporary.

Your friend has goals, a perspective and does something for it. That is already positive.

Nevertheless, I would be careful: do not contract, not finance him.

I think if you want to have a future together, then you have to start talking. He has to learn the sensible handling of money. Or does he always want to pump other people? His father will not like that either. If he does not feel capable of doing so, then he has to give the responsibility to you. That you then manage his money and he gets only a small part as pocket money available.

Those who want to gain a foothold in this overrun sector of computer science will always need the latest technology. As a streamer to succeed, I think for reverie. But well, you have to believe it and have faith, not me. Still, I do not see why he can't always consistently sell his older technology. Ebay makes it possible, and I think he would make a pretty good living as a result.

With Eastern European thinking, I mean that the woman works in the household and looks after the children and that the man goes to work and pays everything. But I do not think so, my mother already. I think both partners have to work and pay. And both also take care of the household and children.

Yes and unfortunately I have doubts.

Then you answered your question yourself.

Of course your mother will ask you if you really want to spend your future with this man. I can even do that:

Do you really want to spend your future with this man? How do you imagine your life together? What if you, for example, 2 children would get? Could he master this together with you?

Your friend does not want to work in his apprenticeship. The reason for poisoning is unfounded: many cooks can work without dying. Instead, he's gambling and hanging on to childhood dreams of making money from streaming through computer games. Health insurance, pension insurance, child support? "If he gets money then he spends directly on equipment and games."

Sure, if you love him and want to partner with him, you immediately have to look after a child. He is tall, goes to the bathroom on his own, can dress independently and does not need to be taken to school. If that works for you, it will work.

Talk openly with your mother. There's no reason to lie or hide something. You probably do not agree. But that's not bad. You are the one who decides.

I think you sound like it's not about your mother, but you're lying to yourself. Especially then open and honest conversations with friends or relatives help very well.