Relationship-Do I have a right to express my needs?

My friend and I have been together for 1 1/2 years. And basically everything is going well, we laugh a lot, do something together etc.

He has a great passion for playing the guitar. Half a year ago he told me that he would like to play more again, but he also feels that he has to spend time with me.

So I got used to suggesting him to play and then I play ps4 doing yoga or something else. That works quite well and he now even plays in a band.
However, the rehearsals take place in another city. Because the band member has some equipment at home and doesn't have to pay for a rehearsal room. The rehearsals every second Sunday are very time-consuming. Last week I suggested something nice to do on Monday Monday. He wanted that too.

Friday he says he meets with one of his band to jam in the other city. Ok means if he leaves at 1 p.m. He is usually there around 5 p.m. Well, it's a shame, but you can still do something in the evening. Yesterday he says he is still going to eat. Today I was sth. Sad because I wanted to do something nice with him since we're both working.

I have not blamed him ala you always do so, but only expressed that I'm sad and also like to spend time with him. And then it started, he would fail immediately and shouted at me loudly. Unfortunately, this happens often.

I'm just beginning to feel that I can't talk to him about my needs normally. I never expected him to cancel now or just show a bit of understanding.

Do you know what could be the reason he feels attacked what can I do. He is actually a very loving partner, but at moments like this I'm startled by his reaction

Then his band is more important to him than you at the moment…

les is understandable that he has to and wants to practice with his band, but there should still be time for joint ventures…

If he yells at you, I would tell him that it doesn't work that way… Either discuss it in a normal tone or you go (don't confuse it with an end)

Of course you can address your concerns and concerns! A relationship is a thing that always comes up with problems that have to be solved together.

Of course you can express your needs.
That, however, shouted at me loudly.
I would have asked for it only once.
What you can do? Let him go.

Please ask him to talk to you about it. Tell him that you noticed that he reacted very violently on occasions X, Y, Z, and ask him why.

I made no reproach ala you always do etc. But only expressed that I'm sad and also like to spend time with him.

That is exactly a reproach or what do you want to call it?

I never expected him to cancel now or just show a bit of understanding.

Really not? If you tell someone that you're sad about not doing anything together, then of course you expect them to change their plans accordingly - how else can they show understanding?

What you are doing is not a direct, but nevertheless hidden allegation and that puts people under a lot more pressure than if you openly say that you disagree with something.

This "Do what you want, but of course you have to understand that I'm sad about it" would also make me extremely angry, because you are powerless against this kind of hidden accusations

The problem is unfortunately when I speak frankly he gets even angrier so either I don't say anything or let myself be shouted at but that is not constructive and does not lead to anything

A different perspective

For many men, no direct announcement helps either. They see it differently and not so narrowly and think that the woman then just fidgets.