Can you save this relationship?

I'm 22 years old and a student in the 5th semester. I have my own horse and spend most of my time in the stable or with university work. I have had an unstable personality disorder (borderline) for six years and had a severe eating disorder two years ago.

My friend is 21 years old, without education and looking for a job for months. Due to physical problems it is very difficult for him to find a permanent job. He has an unstable personality disorder and is autistic.

We both love each other very much and share daily how much we love each other. I can always be myself, we have good sex and laugh together. I get along well with his family and friends.

Unfortunately, since I'm with I'm (1.5 years), I consume cannabis daily and can no longer regulate my consumption. We're working on that at the moment and he seems to be in control of his consumption (at least he seldom tells me he had a relapse), whereas I feel increasingly sadder and more uncontrolled.

In addition to cannabis use bothers me but also that we have no similarities. He prefers to play PS4 shooting games, has a different circle of friends (not students) and used to have an interest in anime and hentai (which he spent on me because of my eating disorder that suffered from it). The hentais caused great suffering on my part at the beginning of the relationship, so I did not feel thin enough for him and therefore slipped back into my eating disorder. Now he has disposed of all anime stuff, but I can trust him little since then. I also feel that the relationship takes more strength from me than it gives me strength. I would just love to think that these thin, childlike bodies are not "his standard" and that I do not have to be so skinny to please him.

Nevertheless, he comes to visit me up to three times a week (he still lives with his mother) and most of the time we only chill together. However, there's also often disagreement over the television program because he prefers cartoon series, and I prefer to watch documentary films.

As we can see, we're very different people and that makes me think. Also, the behaviors that have developed and manifested in this relationship make me think. Nevertheless, I love him very much and the thought of a separation fills me with sadness and loneliness. Nevertheless, I'm sure that he would suffer the greater suffering. When I wanted to end the relationship a few months ago, he cut himself the poor and threatened to kill himself. He has done a great deal for this relationship - he does not use anime, looks for work, regulates his cannabis, etc. It hurts in my soul to let go of such a special person just because I would only do it for myself.

Talk to a therapist about it. Seriously. Maybe together. In general, it is always difficult when two people suffering from a mental illness are in a relationship. The danger is just great that you pull each other down. But really talk to a therapist about it, also about canabisk use and withdrawal options. All the best!

A therapy is unfortunately not a possibility - I'm considered "austherapiert"

You have already ended the relationship and are only with him because you feel obliged to it. This is not a good base for love, which should always be based on trust.

In how far? ^^

Probably not cured. You have a drug problem and other problems, so you can always go to a therapist again. Maybe these are also new problems.

The beautiful term for "we do not think that there's anything therapeutically possible" is treated.

Then maybe another therapist would help.