Togetherness in a relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we want to move in together next year. But now I'm not so sure anymore, for the following reason:

He had 5 weeks vacation and I 2. When my vacation started I thought that everyone would have a good time together but every day went like this: Wake up, he watches YouTube on his cell phone with headphones and everyone has breakfast for himself, then plays he PlayStation, at noon again YouTube everyone eats for himself, then on to PlayStation, in the evening maybe watching a film and cuddling that's enough because then it's YouTube again.

And so it goes every day. If I'm lucky, I can take a walk. Tried to talk to him that he had 3 weeks to gamble and I feel more like in a shared apartment. His statement about it was just that it was HIS vacation and he doesn't need to justify himself, we at least watch a movie in the evening and cuddle while that has to be enough. He would think it would be good if everyone would do his own thing, but I think he's already doing his thing.

I didn't really notice it before the vacation, because he was working and I was at university and when he got home I went back to work. This gave him peace and quiet to gamble. And on the weekend I did something with friends for one day because he could gamble and on the 2nd day he gambled half the day and then went out with me.

I know that everyone has a different need for closeness and distance, but that hardly seems like a relationship any more than it is. As I said when I address it, I should look for a hobby, everyone should do theirs.

I'm so unsure about moving in together because I don't know such a relationship and it hardly feels like one to me.

Does anyone have any advice / tip.

Yes vacation is always a good time to get to know each other because you are together for more than just a few hours. So here then 24 hours the whole time together and here everyone can show their true colors and no pretend anything…

Unfortunately I have to tell you it won't work (perspective as a man)

he will always just want to gamble and be busy with himself.

Give him the choice he has to adapt and want a relationship and not a flat share.

But if you've been together for 3 years. But to be honest, I don't believe it anymore. Love is not a possession but has to be fought for anew every day.

You have a problem with communication. You have your expectations while he has fixed ideas about his vacation or for what purpose he takes it. It makes no difference whether he hangs in front of the cell phone all day or trains for a marathon.

You can also allow your partner to "mess around". Even if it takes him three weeks.

The problem is obviously more that you have no common hobbies or interests, something that connects you in your free time together. This little link of commonality.

A relationship is much more than "just" spending time together, cuddling or watching TV or sex. Rather, it means a common ground in terms of interests, hobbies or views.

I'm also sure that you are the one who takes care of meetings in your relationship or keeps the communication going. If you didn't do anything, nothing would happen out of his position. Unless he needs some pastime or sex.

Oh yes. He won't change with a shared apartment either.

I wouldn't want to move in with someone like that either. It's just frustrating.

But it doesn't always have to be. You can also have a happy relationship with two households, often, as you can see, even happier than in one.

You have so different ideas about a relationship that there's a very deep rift between you.

Apparently you don't have a common hobby, mutual friends, don't do anything together, there are no families visiting either, and I don't see the laughing, the joy of each other here either.

Your friend does what a bachelor does. He acts as he pleases, takes note of you, there's sex sometimes and otherwise he wants to be quiet. You're a bit of fun in his existence, nothing more. You are used like his Playstation, you should leave him alone, you only play a role if he wants to.

You will be able to talk a lot here, you hit the wall. He doesn't offer what you want, he's not even remotely ready to change and approach you. What for, nothing is wrong with him!

That doesn't change a shared apartment either… Think twice before you get even more unhappy.

In terms of communication, I wouldn't say directly, as we had said beforehand that he would have his 3 weeks to himself and then we would do something nice. But that was apparently only said of him. We actually always enjoyed nature together and laughed and chatted a lot, but that was before his interests for PlayStation developed. Think you may have "drifted apart" or go in two different directions.

There are family visits about 1-2 times every six months. And I had already mentioned about the friends, but he said he doesn't want to put his friends on me and he doesn't feel like coming to mine: /

I'm so unsure about moving in together

I'm sure that you shouldn't move in together, but rethink the relationship!

The first question confirms that.

Then you don't understand his communication or you don't take what he says seriously.

If he has already told you beforehand that he will only gamble for three weeks or just do nothing, then I don't understand your problem.

Take it - BEFORE you move in together! - at my word. Then you will notice for yourself what he is serious about and what is not.

And then talk to him when your views no longer match.

DO NOT expect him to change or change his language just because you live together. Because that will not be the case.